Imperfect world

[mrph]

<rant>

I don't expect all my friends to get along with each other, but the world would certainly be a lot simpler if they did. Still, there's enough History (and enough variety in personalities and worldviews) there to ensure that's not going to happen any time soon. *sigh*

The fact remains, though, that the people in question are all my friends, and I refuse to take sides in history/personality squabbles. If it's actually about recent incidents/behaviour... well, that might be different. But it never is, is it?

</rant&g

Comments

[girfan.livejournal.com]

Been there, done that, have quite a few t-shirts.

*sigh*
After a few bad incidents in my past, I have decided to be Switzerland when this sort of thing happens. It works mostly, and I do try to get both sides of the story. (Unless one side involves bodily harm or other evilness, I stay neutral)

Have a situation like this recently. It's so hard to be neutral...isn't it?

[mina-laury.livejournal.com]

I for one very much appreciate you being Switzerland.

Sheesh!!!!

[belladonna-9.livejournal.com]

Who wants to be Switzerland...Id rather be Ireland neutral and still fun....:)

Re: Sheesh!!!!

[mina-laury.livejournal.com]

But Switzerland has chocolate.

Re: Sheesh!!!!

[belladonna-9.livejournal.com]

Ireland has BEER!!!...and music...

Re: Sheesh!!!!

[mistdog.livejournal.com]

Chocolate doesn't give you a headache.

(Don't get me wrong, I like all three, but if forced to choose...)

Re: Sheesh!!!!

[belladonna-9.livejournal.com]

*sigh*...where is your celtic spirit....??..your unbounding sence of adventure...I guess you have to be Irish...slain leat...

[mrph.livejournal.com]

Switzerland is good, but does require an awful lot of effort sometimes. I don't know, I've had three or four cases of this spring up in the fairly recent past, and it sometimes gets to the point where I want to cease all human contact and go join a hermitage.

I'm not going to pick sides unless the issue causing conflict is something factual which I have firsthand knowledge of, but sometimes it feels as if being neutral just makes you a fair target for everyone.

I've had more than enough hassle in recent months. I will not be forced into choosing sides or distancing myself from (any of my) friends, and the next person to try and pressure me is going to get both barrels. *sigh*

[girfan.livejournal.com]

I know...the effort to be Switzerland can lead to a severly bitten tongue.
*grin*

For me, this started years ago when two good friends (who had been together 10 years) split up. The male wanted me to still be friends with both of them. He took all blame for the break. The female accosted me at a concert all 3 of us were at (I didn't go with either of them) and accused me of siding with him (I happened to be seated a few seats away from him). She didn't speak to me for almost 3 years.

A mutual friend finally persuaded her that she was being unfair to me, but I lost 3 years with s good friend.

There have been a few incidents in the past two years, and no one has demanded that I not speak to the other side of things, but it can be very awkward in some social situations. Especially when I like the people very much and want to be friends with them all.

Yes, yes and yes

[mrph.livejournal.com]

...and the example you quote sounds very familiar. Still, such is life. *sigh*

[girfan.livejournal.com]

The hardest thing is what to do when we finally have a housewarming party...or a barbeque.

If I say to myself "they are all my friends and they will have to deal", I may end up with people in separate parts of the house, or not speaking to me afterwards ("how could you invite them?")

But, in the end, it will be my house and if they like me, will be civil to each other for my sake (I hope).

[mrph.livejournal.com]

Pretty much my attitude. Not inviting someone immediately moves you away from that neutrality, which Isn't Good. Better to invite everyone, and let them make their own decisions. If anyone perceives that as Choosing Sides and blames you then, frankly, it's their problem not yours. Not much consolation if that happens, I know, but...

The only real issue there is how to tactfully tell people who else has been invited. CC'ing an email to all of them seems to work, but most "er, you do know xyz is coming...?" approaches can sound like a deliberate attempt to discourage people (whereas not mentioning it can lead to problems on the day). Of course, it's entirely possible that both sides will then fail to turn up because the other one might be there... but, again, that's not your problem!

[mr-tom.livejournal.com]

I used to think that. (Not about your friends, though. Well, not all of them, anyways.)

Anyways, as I was saying: Fuck 'em. Not your problem, and not worth worrying about.

I've long since given up on what my friends think of each other, and am a lot happier for it... :-)

[mrph.livejournal.com]

Pretty much my view, in some ways. I will take sides if I think someone's done something seriously out of order (based on first-hand knowledge), otherwise it's SEP. It's just that sometimes it doesn't want to stay SEP.