Blogging meme no.1 - Ambition
Sep. 5th, 2008 05:14 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mrph(as requested by ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
kest )
Let's start with a difficult one, shall we? "What do you want?" might be the underlying question when you talk about ambition; on the other hand, the question may actually be closer to "So, how are you keeping score...?".
Either way, it's not a question I have a clear answer for. I know people - mostly via family or work - who I'd certainly describe as 'ambitious' in one or more ways. It's never been a label that I've wanted applied to me, though - I'm certainly highly motivated in some aspects of my life, but 'ambitious', for me, seems to summon up all sorts of negative connotations. It feels like it's a focus on ends instead of means, which may be an unfair judgement on my part...
I want to be financially comfortable for the forseeable future. I don't have a driving desire to be rich - I don't want the summer holiday home, or six cars, or a swimming pool in my garden. I do want to live in a place that I love, and I fully intend to keep working on the house until I move away or successfully turn it into something special - but that's about the limit in that regard. If I ever settled down with a family, which might happen someday, then I'd probably be driven to do more in this regard - but for the time being, I just want to be somewhere nice with enough money to pay for my social life, my holidays and the occasional luxury.
That, I guess, brings me to the source of that money - work. Once upon a time, when I still at school, I wanted to be a scientist. Or a writer. I don't think I ever wanted to be rich or famous; I just wanted to create something new, to do things that hadn't been done before. I'm less concerned about that now, although I couldn't entirely tell you when or why that changed.
I take a great deal of pride in my work, whatever it is that I'm doing - I've been effectively sacked once, from a temp job with Fed Ex, and that left me disgruntled for weeks simply because I thought (knew?) I was doing the job pretty damn well. I'd like to think I've done most of my jobs pretty well. I have certain workaholic tendencies and I'm an annoying perfectionist - which fits my current role perfectly - but... I'm less driven than I used to be.
Partly that's just pragmatism - they get my best efforts when I'm there, but if I still can't keep up with the workload then they have a staffing problem and that's not really my problem. It took me a long time to learn that one, and occasionally forgetting it has done me no good whatsoever. Partly, though, it's that I know what I'm good at - and I don't want to drift into management and get too distanced from it all. I don't need the politics and too much time in those jobs seems to be spent dealing with staff admin and HR, which just feels like a distraction from the things I'd want to be doing.
In some ways, my current job's perfect. I get to deal with a lot of people in a lot of different departments, many of which don't quite know where I fit into the business, but seem to think I'm rather more senior than I actually am. I get asked all sorts of questions when nobody else seems to know the answer, I get to change things - and, now and then, I get the realisation that I'm making decisions that affect many, many people. Including some that I know, which is just plain odd. In those terms, it's delivering pretty much everything I want from a job - including praise from people who I feel are deeply competent, which means a lot to my ego.
But I get bored easily. Eventually, even change starts to become dull - especially when you're been there a while and seen things go full circle in one way or another. Which leads onto the 'what next'...
...and that's the bit I'm struggling with. I want to be doing something that makes a genuine difference to people's lives. Something where I can actually feel relatively good about myself at the end of the day, and not just from an intellectual problem-solving point of view (sometimes, at least in my head, work is just another mildly addictive strategy game...).
So... ambition? Not money, as such. Work, to some degree - in some ways. What does that leave? I don't think I'm socially ambitious, although I've been accused of it a few times in the past. There was certainly a point when I really enjoyed walking into almost any UK goth club and being sure to know someone - but, again, that's something that I'm not terribly concerned about these days.
...and at this point, I may have exhausted my list of comments on the topic. At least for the moment.
kest )Let's start with a difficult one, shall we? "What do you want?" might be the underlying question when you talk about ambition; on the other hand, the question may actually be closer to "So, how are you keeping score...?".
Either way, it's not a question I have a clear answer for. I know people - mostly via family or work - who I'd certainly describe as 'ambitious' in one or more ways. It's never been a label that I've wanted applied to me, though - I'm certainly highly motivated in some aspects of my life, but 'ambitious', for me, seems to summon up all sorts of negative connotations. It feels like it's a focus on ends instead of means, which may be an unfair judgement on my part...
I want to be financially comfortable for the forseeable future. I don't have a driving desire to be rich - I don't want the summer holiday home, or six cars, or a swimming pool in my garden. I do want to live in a place that I love, and I fully intend to keep working on the house until I move away or successfully turn it into something special - but that's about the limit in that regard. If I ever settled down with a family, which might happen someday, then I'd probably be driven to do more in this regard - but for the time being, I just want to be somewhere nice with enough money to pay for my social life, my holidays and the occasional luxury.
That, I guess, brings me to the source of that money - work. Once upon a time, when I still at school, I wanted to be a scientist. Or a writer. I don't think I ever wanted to be rich or famous; I just wanted to create something new, to do things that hadn't been done before. I'm less concerned about that now, although I couldn't entirely tell you when or why that changed.
I take a great deal of pride in my work, whatever it is that I'm doing - I've been effectively sacked once, from a temp job with Fed Ex, and that left me disgruntled for weeks simply because I thought (knew?) I was doing the job pretty damn well. I'd like to think I've done most of my jobs pretty well. I have certain workaholic tendencies and I'm an annoying perfectionist - which fits my current role perfectly - but... I'm less driven than I used to be.
Partly that's just pragmatism - they get my best efforts when I'm there, but if I still can't keep up with the workload then they have a staffing problem and that's not really my problem. It took me a long time to learn that one, and occasionally forgetting it has done me no good whatsoever. Partly, though, it's that I know what I'm good at - and I don't want to drift into management and get too distanced from it all. I don't need the politics and too much time in those jobs seems to be spent dealing with staff admin and HR, which just feels like a distraction from the things I'd want to be doing.
In some ways, my current job's perfect. I get to deal with a lot of people in a lot of different departments, many of which don't quite know where I fit into the business, but seem to think I'm rather more senior than I actually am. I get asked all sorts of questions when nobody else seems to know the answer, I get to change things - and, now and then, I get the realisation that I'm making decisions that affect many, many people. Including some that I know, which is just plain odd. In those terms, it's delivering pretty much everything I want from a job - including praise from people who I feel are deeply competent, which means a lot to my ego.
But I get bored easily. Eventually, even change starts to become dull - especially when you're been there a while and seen things go full circle in one way or another. Which leads onto the 'what next'...
...and that's the bit I'm struggling with. I want to be doing something that makes a genuine difference to people's lives. Something where I can actually feel relatively good about myself at the end of the day, and not just from an intellectual problem-solving point of view (sometimes, at least in my head, work is just another mildly addictive strategy game...).
So... ambition? Not money, as such. Work, to some degree - in some ways. What does that leave? I don't think I'm socially ambitious, although I've been accused of it a few times in the past. There was certainly a point when I really enjoyed walking into almost any UK goth club and being sure to know someone - but, again, that's something that I'm not terribly concerned about these days.
...and at this point, I may have exhausted my list of comments on the topic. At least for the moment.
no subject
Date: 2008-09-06 04:30 pm (UTC)followup question: you say, "Partly, though, it's that I know what I'm good at - and I don't want to drift into management and get too distanced from it all."
What do you feel you're good at?
no subject
Date: 2008-09-06 04:48 pm (UTC)I'm also a very fast reader with an eye for detail, which helps when reviewing documents.
I'm not good with blank pages, though. I like taking something that's already in place - if only as a rough idea - then tweaking it until it works smoothly.
Fortunately, within a big enough business with enough history behind it, there really aren't many "blank page" moments - everything's built on the back of something else.
no subject
Date: 2008-09-06 05:21 pm (UTC)If I'm working, I aim to do the best I can - and I do like being acknowledged as good at my job. Of course, I also want to be surrounded by deeply competent people, because that way the acknowledgement actually means something to me.
Er. That bit may have delved into previously uncharted depths of my monstrous ego. This would be why I don't usually blog about ambition, then. :)