Friends only? I think not.

[mrph]

I've just been thinking about this again. More and more people seem to be going entirely friends-only on LJ.

I guess I can understand why, but don't intend to be one of them. There are a few reasons for this.

The most obvious one is that I do use Friends Only - and Friends Groups - already. If I don't want a post to be visible to the world, it won't be. If it involves Deep And Meaningful happenings or details of other people's lives, for example, then it probably won't go public. Likewise for evil world domination schemes (speaking of which - mrbear, don't lose that list... :)

Another reason is that, well, I don't see any need to prevent random bits of the world from reading general 'stuff' postings - there are a few people not on my friends list who occasionally drop by to read/post, and that's fine with me. My outlook is very much "make it public unless there's a reason for it to be private", not vice versa - there's really nothing in the public posts that I wouldn't say in person to J Random Stranger, and my (public) friends/interests list is far more personal than most of the things I write here. Maybe I won't think this way forever - but at the moment, I do.

Finally, I like the current LJ dynamic. There are a few people now on my friends list who I originally just more-or-less randomly run into on here (hi, random net people!) and don't really know in person. If I couldn't see their journal, and they couldn't see mine, would that whole "hi, saw your comments, then followed them back and glanced at your journal - so you like xyz/know abc too?" thing work the same way? I'm really not sure it would, y'know... and I quite like it as is...

Comments

[mhw.livejournal.com]

Yup. My sentiments exactly.

Friend groups are neat.

[booklectica]

I agree. I read both of your journals because you're friends of friends, but don't know either of you well enough to list you as friends. So I'm glad you both make public entries.

[mhw.livejournal.com]

*smile* I actually think that the "Friends" designation is... well, just wrong. It really means "People whose journals I want to have automagically pop up in a big interspersed wodge because they've nearly always got something interesting to say" - but I suppose that's rather longer than "Friends".

Frex, people I have on my "Friends" list include loves, lovers, fuckbuddies, intendeds, pals, acquaintances, FOAFs, interesting people, random strangers who said "Hi!", collaborators... yeesh.

But feel free to add me as a PWJIWTHAPUIABIWBTNAGSITS, if you like :)

YAABAAICMFP

[akicif.livejournal.com]

PWJIWTHAPUIABIWBTNAGSITS - I like it...

[liz-lowlife.livejournal.com]

Dunno about stalking.
I'm a full on voyeur though!

Funny thing is, I love this LJ malarkey but hate soap operas.....and gossip...
...normally.


?!

Soap? Or is it docudrama?

[mrph.livejournal.com]

Ah, but LJ has better plotlines and a half-decent cast.

Plus, unlike Eastenders, you don't have to waste time on plotlines/people who are boring you half to death. Dot Cotton is unlikely to appear on my friends list. :)

[ciphergoth.livejournal.com]

Which Paul?

[mrph.livejournal.com]

I think that'd be sogoth. Not to be confused with you, paulw or any other Pauls lurking on my friends list... :)

I believe you, honest...

[mrph.livejournal.com]

Seriously, 'tis understood. There are a few people I list as friends for very similar reasons, although I don't know them all that well.

And there are about half a dozen people on my friends list who I've vaguely known for ages spoke to once a year - if that - before LJ came along...

[ladybirdintheuk.livejournal.com]

me too

I've only every made one friends only post, and that was cause I needed to let off steam about something, but didn't want *certain people* to find out I was slagging them off .... so I understand why some things are friends only. But most of the crap I write on here really doesnt need to be - who cares if random people get to see what I dreamed about last night?!

XXX

Aggree entirely matey

[drivenapart.livejournal.com]

Pretty much an open book anyway. I woudn't put anything in my public diary that people couldn't find out if they asked me nicely.

Certain things I feel that might not be suitable for any old person roaming through (I'm thinking my suitably sweary rant), I jam in friends only mainly so as they know why I'm being funny, rather than thinking "Mopey old git, what's his problem?!"...some things are difficult to break into conversation!

Why I went mostly friends only

[mina-laury.livejournal.com]

I went mostly-friends-only after getting a particularly illiterate and nasty 'mopey old git, what's her problem?' comment which I would ordinarily have written off as 'boring nutter with nothing better to do' but just didn't need to read bang after the trauma of my uncle dying. *sigh* I have a tendency to cope fine during bad stuff but to get furious with small discourtesies afterwards. Don't ask me why.

Between that and a couple of friends' bad experiences with LJ stalkers and a person who occasionally sends me deranged emails about the webpage popping up in my inbox again... well, it didn't feel as if exposing my every 'went to the shop to buy buttons' to the scrutiny of the world was safe any more.

Every now and again go and befriend various interesting people from my friends' friends lists, or from communities I hang out on. I suspect I'm due for another round...

Re: Why I went mostly friends only

[mrph.livejournal.com]

Looking at mine without being logged in, IMHO there's nothing there that someone couldn't find elsewhere anyway. I spend time in Browns. I like good food and real ale. There's a lot of stuff about books / comics / music that doesn't say anything I haven't already said in my profile. And as for the events I'm attending, a quick search on upg or netgoth/slashgoth would pull up most of that information.

As for my Views on The World, I'll happily spout them at random strangers, and after a decade on Usenet I doubt LJ trolls can come up with any line of abuse/attack I've not seen already... I mean, ok, they've now got some HTML available, but that's no substitute for a coherent argument... :)

I think in some ways "Mostly Friends" increases the cluelessness quotient of random comments, too - they don't see the context & prevailing mood, so they just merrily pogo-stick into the minefield...

Re: Why I went mostly friends only

[mina-laury.livejournal.com]

I think in some ways "Mostly Friends" increases the cluelessness quotient of random comments, too - they don't see the context & prevailing mood, so they just merrily pogo-stick into the minefield...

Well, I considered totally friends-only, but if I want to share an interesting link or something there doesn't seem much point in limiting it to an audience of thirty people. So as it is it looks as if I use the diary to talk about running games and occasional weird links. Which is fine by me - I'm perfectly able to cope with the odd 'all roleplayers are sad spods' that might float by.

List? Oh! *that* list.

[mrbear.livejournal.com]

Umm, I think I still have it. I'll have a look when I get home.

Re: List? Oh! *that* list.

[mrph.livejournal.com]

Oh, I can mostly remember it anyway. And certain people who it ought to be discussed with are out tomorrow... </cryptic>

Re: List? Oh! *that* list.

[mrbear.livejournal.com]

No problem. If I still have it I'll bring it tomorrow.